I met a new friend yesterday. We found out we actually had a lot in common from a love for writing to a favourite art gallery and of course books! She’s actually a published author and as I mentioned in my blog maybe even a year ago, I had an idea for a book. A great idea for a book. This new friend said she has lots of advice for helping new writers with the publishing process and has researched it all top to bottom.
The book I was working on I had actually put away for a number of reasons. One was unhealthy; I felt there was no time left before the rapture. But coming more to my senses and realizing we don’t know the day or the hour and it could be 5-10 years from now, I felt confused about writing it because I didn’t know if it would be honoring to God (there would be some passion scenes in it). Is it really what he wants me to write or do I just want to do it for selfish ambition. The other hesitation I had was very real. There would be some scenes dealing with mental illness that I honestly don’t know if I can get into the headspace to write about while maintaining balance in my life. My therapist even commented it could lead to me being triggered. And so I put the book on hold.
The thing is, I have already written some scenes from it, I’ve mapped out the whole story except one part and it would make a really great read.
Since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be an author and up until this point, I have not reached that goal. For me it’s not about the money, it’s about seeing a book I have written with the cover illustrated on it, the title and my name printed on it.. the finished product. Even if I only had one. But I do feel it would be good enough that other people would want to read it.
Then this friend comes into my life and it seems like she has exactly the knowledge I would need to make this dream a reality. I question if I am being tempted to go in direction counter to what God is leading me in, or if this is a blessing and a sign to go and write that book.
Part of the challenge with having bipolar myself but also a very down-to-earth expectation that the rapture is imminent is that my sense of what to do with my time can be skewed. If I knew I had 40+ years to live my life as I pleased, it would be a no brainer and I would write the book, but I have felt time is short and to make the most of what time remains.
I was awakened to the idea that Jesus is coming back in October 2019 when I heard the words in my spirit “This is the beginning of the end” and saw a vision of Jesus turning a handle and starting to open a door. Since that time I have had different visions and dreams pointing me to the fact the rapture will happen in my lifetime. However, 4 years of waiting has made me realize “soon” in my timing and “soon” in God’s timing can be two very different things.
The more I sit on this book idea and wait, the more time goes by that I’ve done nothing with it and could have had it done by now but thought I should be doing other things with my time. It’s an inner conundrum I deal with mixed with not knowing ultimately if the book would please God. What would be the point in writing it except the satisfaction I accomplished it? Is it an idol?
I wrestle with this, and so when I’m faced with a direction issue, I must bring it to God in prayer. Only He knows what is right for me.
My author friend also mentioned she has a blog but because of her work on her novels, it doesn’t allow her much time to keep up with her blog. I understand it is very difficult to keep both passions going and I am really loving writing in this blog just about life and sharing about my faith, but also wondering if writing the book could point others to this blog to read about what Jesus is doing in my life and can do in theirs. Could that be the point of the book being written? That would make me more inclined to write it, if there was a greater purpose other than “It was a fun read. The end.”
Being a stay-at-home mom definitely gives me the time to do both the blog and write a book.. Of course now I am just thinking out loud.
Guess we’ll have to just wait and see! A book just might be on the horizon! As always…
Have a beautiful day!
Lindsey
See and Wait, 