It’s hard to believe summer is vacation is half over. As I walked through the stores the other day, I saw back-to-school merch and Halloween decorations on display.
As the stores change around their merchandise for the seasons, I got an itch to begin changing things around in my house as well. Not that I am preparing for the fall just yet, after all it is only July! But I finally took out my smurf collection (houses and all) and literally filled my china cabinet with the ones that were meaningful to me. These were from my grandparents who would always bring them back from their home in Germany.
As if this wasn’t enough, I then began looking at my furniture. We actually have this large sectional that we bought at the Brick about 10 years ago. It is MASSIVE, so when we moved, it no longer fit the dimensions of our new living room and we had to divide it. Somehow, (my husband reminds me it was my idea), part of the couch went to the basement and the other parts were divided into our living room along with another fancier couch with two fancy swivel chairs.
I’ve had the same furniture for a long time and though I still love it (I didn’t buy based on the trends), I like mixing it up from time to time. Yesterday I felt it was time to bring up that section from the basement and trade it for the other couch I’ve had for entertaining, making for a more relaxed atmosphere in our living room. It’s got a chaise and everything would match. Perfect! My husband, however was not on board yesterday.
Can I just stop right here and say this is what happens when you are grieving and don’t want to think about the person you lost? Can I stop myself and just see this for what it really is? Is changing my living room really going to change the fact my grandma is gone? The easy answer is, no, it’s not. But does it make me happier? Maybe for a while but sometimes what needs to be addressed are feelings, not the furniture arrangements in your home.
If you’re like me, when you are sad, you bury your feelings and try too hard to move forward quickly. Part of the reason for this is I have my kids at home until September. I don’t want to fall into a depression and be a distant mom so I am keeping myself engaged in my surroundings rather than my head. Going for runs, swimming with the family, playing chess with my son, shopping to de-stress, decorating for fun, reading… I do what I can to keep my mood up and be a good mom.
Moving the furniture around is actually a bit too much, not that it’s a bad idea to eventually bring that sectional up from the basement, but as I keep myself busy, I realize I can’t keep this momentum going forever. I need to slow down, breathe and allow some of the sadness to surface. Talking to my therapist, I recognized there are quiet times established in my family schedule where I can take some time to feel and regroup.
With all the business and repressed sadness, I notice some manic productivity is surfacing; my endeavours are becoming larger and I have been more hyper focused on them. Time to slow down.
Healthy habits and hobbies are important, but life can happen. One thing I’d like to do is sit down and ask myself “What matters right now?” “What can I let go of?” “What can wait?”
Right now the couches can wait, they aren’t going anywhere. What matters is staying balanced and being there for my family. I can let go of the need to fill my grief with business. And at the end of the day, there is hope in the stillness of rest.
Have a beautiful day,
Lindsey
See and Wait, 