We received our new mattress yesterday and eagerly put it on our bed. The expectation: soft and cozy. The reality: very firm and different from what we were used to.
Don’t you dislike when you buy something and it’s not what you expected? Or how about when you go to buy something and it’s plain not there and out of stock with no chance of reordering, like the lamp for our post outside that met with a soccerball accident.
Aren’t the joys of finding that perfect lipstick that’s on sale so much better? That rush to the car to try it on and finding it’s exactly what you were looking for, it’s satisfaction at it’s finest. At least for the moment.
Currently I am waiting for a new straightening iron that even works on wet hair, and I am so excited for it’s arrival. But when it all comes down to it, it’s just “stuff”.
When I am feeling down in the dumps, it’s easy for me to look to shopping to turn my day around. I get a high from deals and fun purchases, I like picking things out. But recently, I started feeling a tightness about shopping. Kind of like a tummy ache when you’ve eaten too much food, I feel torn between this urge to find something to put in my online shopping cart and this strong physical pressure in my heart saying a firm “No more.”
It’s not a guilty feeling, it’s almost like a barrier guarding me from going down a deep dark rabbit hole of spending. But it hurts because the void that wants to be filled by “more stuff”, still remains as well… needing to be filled.
In come the ice cream sandwiches and chocolate chip granola bars… good for about 5 minutes and then I do feel guilt for giving in to junk food when I’m trying so hard to be healthier.
When we are weary, Jesus says “Come.” Wouldn’t it be so much better to seek him out and avoid the traps of spending and unhealthy eating? Why is it then that I go to these places when I really need time with God?
I used to call friends when I would feel the void, prefering immediate gratification to long silent times with God but after being on the phone with them and feeling temporary relief, the emptiness would return… the aching that just wouldn’t go away.
My experience has been that this empty feeling will grow stronger and stronger the longer I avoid God and try to fill the “hole” with other things. In truth, He is the only one who can fit and fill that space with his perfect light and I know it.
Yesterday, I was hurting, I’d actually been hurting for a while, and God met me where I was. I took out a journal and wrote how I was feeling. All the sadness and pain I scribbled down until I had nothing left and when I emptied it all over the pages, He was there. And He loved on me with a deeper love than I’ve ever known.
I had an understanding in those moments with tears pouring down my face, that because of Jesus’ sacrifice he only looks at the good in me. He sees everything, bad stuff included, but Jesus took my sin away when I believed on Him. And so when God looks at me, He sees the righteousness that Jesus gave me. Not only that, but I was made aware of the verse in scripture that says any good gift is from God. I began being inundated with the amount of blessings and perfect gifts I have received, everywhere I looked in my house, I saw gift after gift and I was overwhelmed by His goodness.
My space was filled with gratitude and love toward God. For loving me, choosing to look only on the good and meeting me in my pain.
It’s not easy to go to God sometimes. He can be quiet, it can be difficult to sit in the silence with a heavy heart, but I encourage you to give to him the things that are weighing on you. It is not too much of a burden for him and he will carry it gladly so you don’t have to.
Have a beautiful day,
Lindsey
See and Wait, 